So now that I have explained my relationship with Manny, I can explain my parent's reaction. My father has always been pretty laid back about the whole relationship. He only cares that I am treated right and that I am not abused in any way. Other then that, he tends to stay out of my relationships. Don't get me wrong - he's not a bad father, just a typical man. There is no emotion, only logic. It has been that way for most of my life, so he never surprised me. When Manny and I were having problems before, he didn't want to be involved. As long as I was O.K., he was O.K. He and Manny were on pretty good terms. They always got along. Manny was pretty up front about his situation with my father, which my father always respected. Manny assisted my dad in building a large fence that circles their property. He always helped my mother and I in the yard whenever we asked him. It was like a normal family. We would come over for Sunday dinner and then play UNO after.
So, the break up, was very awkward for my parents. They adored Manny and felt betrayed by how everything ended. Since I was their only concern, they wanted to make sure I was okay. My mother took it especially hard. Someone had emotionally upset her baby. That was the only way she saw it. She also explained to me that she felt somewhat betrayed by how he dumped me.
I'm not very good at explaining my emotions, so I won't even try. I will say that it was the most difficult thing I have ever gone through and it took me a long time to move forward. I wouldn't talk to him for a long time and forbid him from having contact with my parents (I know this doesn't sound right, but it was their decision).
My mother is having a hard time accepting all of this. She was surprised when I said I was even talking to him again. I told her, at the time, we were just friends and that was all. I told her I wouldn't get sucked back in, I guess I lied. We had a conversation and she just doesn't want to have to pick up the pieces if it does not work out again. She understands if I have to leave the country for a bit. It makes her nervous, but what mother wouldn't be. She knows that Manny loves me and that he will take good care of me. She just worries that it won't work out again.
I can see her concern. It was my concern for a long time. Manny and I spoke for a long time before we came back to this conclusion. When we first started talking he had a live-in girlfriend. I kept my distance from speaking to him too much because I didn't want his girlfriend to have any suspicions about things that were not there. Eventually, he broke up with her. When I asked him why, he replied "Because I don't see myself growing old together". She doesn't live in the same part of Brazil as him now, so I don't really worry about her. Also, he has told his mother about us. I know this is a big trust, but Manny was never really that type of guy. He had been cheated on by his first wife, and never wanted to have a relationship like that again. He said that if he felt like cheating that he would just break up. So I trust him. He seems changed and I know I have. We have both grown up in the four years we have been apart.
I told my mother that I do not see myself growing old with anyone else. That our conversations, while not always easy, are the best part of my day. That seeing his goofy face makes me feel good, all the way down inside to my soul. I love that he is carefree and fun. I am serious and thoughtful. Together we will balance each other. I want this chance to be happy and see where my life goes. I have always been so restrained and contained. Always afraid of what everyone thinks. There is one person in my life that has never made me feel self-conscious or ashamed. Manny has always made me feel beautiful. I could get used to that.
What else can I say?
My father has my back and my mother is nervous, but she will be behind me. My brother even called, after reading my blog, and asked me about it. I've never had a great relationship with him, but I understood his concern. Anything you want to know about this process, I will post on my blog. Every question that is asked, I will answer. Every painful detail will be here. I will bare my soul (yikes) to the entire world.
Most importantly, I will share every detail as I learn the process. Any piece of information that someone would think to ask on the process of becoming an Ex-Pat, I will tell.
Hope you enjoy this as much as I will.
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