So..it's been awhile since I've posted. I have had a lot of things going on, but I must admit that I was apprehensive about continuing this work. I was feeling that I was going to jinx myself if I kept going on about how great everything is and how I couldn't wait to go to Brazil.
I decided to hold off on the constant blogging. Things don't seem just as interesting if you force it or constantly post. I decided it was more time to concentrate on myself. I have been learning how to put the focus back on myself after so long of not caring. I completely let myself and everything around me go. Now I no longer have the stress of how I'm going to make a car or house payment and pay my bills. I know this may seem like shirking my responsibilities, but it is freeing. I feel like for once in my life that I do not have to worry about how things will be completed and I can put the focus back on myself.
I quit smoking August 2009, I am almost to two years of non-smoking. I took that important step for myself. I didn't want to stink, be dependent on nicotine, waste my money and my life anymore. I came to that decision on my own. Most of was really due to the smell. The smell started to get unpleasant and I just didn't want it anymore. So I have been done for a year and a half, two in August. This caused me to become dependent on food and I gained weight. This is natural for someone when they quit smoking, but I already had the foot addiction to begin with. It's not like you can exactly quit food altogether. Now I am having to rearrange my life and habits. I have changed the way I eat, and exercise almost daily. I won't lie, I have messed up on a day here or there. I have one major difference, I do not give in or quit. I always know that tomorrow will be another day. So I keep going. I'm learning that I have muscles that haven't existed in a long time. I'm also learning that this all takes extreme effort. I don't allow myself to give up just due to some sweating and raised heart rate. I keep pushing myself. Most nights I try to exhaust myself because I know this is the only way to get better.
So far, I have lost 22 lbs. I am not done and my goal is for myself. I eventually would be happy with 100 lbs down. I don't have unrealistic goals for myself. I would love to get to the point of being happy with my body and the level of activity in my life. I walk the dogs, play with the treadmill, do some exercise videos. I want to go bowling soon and need to find a good partner. This is all to better myself, but it also to better the quality of life I have.
I cannot say that I don't have my trip in mind. I came to the conclusion that I want to enjoy a 11 hour flight to Sao Paulo and not suffer the entire time.
I have been keeping myself busy mostly out of necessity. Manny actually hit a dog while on the way home from work. A dog jumped out on the interstate in Brazil, at night, and went right under the car. Manny damaged his bumper, radiator, and air conditioner. This was very unexpected to both of us. He had a large deductible to pay and that has set us back. BUT the good news I have is that I got my house rented. A neighbor is actually going to just move right in and I know they are good respectable people. I don't have to worry about this, which is a huge relief. Maybe I can actually spend some money on a passport and visa now.
