A Long Time Has Passed......

It has been way too long since the last time I blogged about my trip to Brazil. I have told family and friends information about my trip in bits and pieces, but I have seriously slacked in any true details. It is currently October 9th and it is an overcast 70 degrees farenheit day. I am sitting in my tiled living room watching my boyfriend study for his Cisco exams. I have been searching online and playing with my graphics program Gimp as an outlet for my frustrations. I occasionally play Play Station 3 or go down to the neighborhood park to do some walking. These activities are how I spend my days.
When I first came here, I was bright and open eyed about everything around me. Everything was brand new yet run down in the way only things can be in Brazil. I am constantly asking what signs mean in Portuguese or how to pronounce the words. For instance, "PARE" is Portuguese for STOP and is shown on almost every corner here yet most Brazilians NEVER stop! They give a glancing pass for oncoming traffic and just keep going, unless it is heavy traffic hours - then you have no choice but stop. For educational purposes, it is pronounced "Pah-ree" but the "ee" is not long and drawn out.
I have learned that rice and beans here are an EVERY DAY staple. It is similar to eating a sandwich for us. Most Americans eat a sandwich every day, in some shape or form. The same can be said for rice and beans here. It is a side dish that cannot be missed daily. I have yet to make good rice. I either burn the rice early or it is either too sticky or too mushy when boiled. As for eating the stuff, I am TIRED of it. I don't mind it every now and then, but every day makes me just sick of it. Also, my body doesn't respond well to it. It - sorry for being crude - binds me up and makes me gain weight. When I got here, I put on seven pounds just by this diet. I have severely cut back my consumption and have gone down twelve whole pounds. I just cannot stand eating it anymore. I am trying to be patient with my boyfriend's love of this food staple, but I sometimes my stomach just turns at the mention of it. I am coming up with creative and distracting ideas for dinner. Although my boyfriend is Brazilian, he is also part American. He has a fondness of meatloaf and spaghetti.
As for my diet, I have had some challenges since I have come to Brazil. I have gotten sick TWICE. The first time was so severe, I ended up in a local hospital. Thank God for their free healthcare system here. Also, thank God my boyfriend has the intelligence to introduce me to his many english speaking friends here. It so happens that when this occurred, he was out of São Paulo State, in Minas. It takes a lot for me to say I am sick and need help, so when I called him, he was frantic. He couldn't get a flight back to me quickly. He had to call his english/japanese/portuguese speaking friend "Japonês" and have him come to my rescue. He shows up, with motorcycle in tow. Now, I have no problems with motorcycles, but my butt could barely walk let alone ride on a bike. My boyfriend was able to call another friend of his, Carol, to come and transport us with her car. Thank GOD for these people. By the time I got to the hospital I could barely walk and I was exhausted once the medicine kicked in. Japonês took me to his girlfriend's house nearby the hospital and I collapsed on their couch and slept until the boyfriend arrived. The second episode was not nearly as bad, and lasted 24 hours and was gone. Both times, we believe, are due to something bad I ate. I have been very careful of my food consumption and extra careful not to eat too much.
There are so many stories I could tell, because I have really wasted my time not blogging since I came here. I won't go into them. I will just tell you some of the lessons I have learned while here so far. First, if I speak english in public, I will get stared at. Second, do not drink tap water, always get bottled or from a natural spring. Third, everything here is small, especially the vehicles, just not their butts. Fourth, listen to conversations and make pointed inquiries about everything. The more words and phrases you understand, the quicker you will pick up the language. Fifth, washing dishes with cold water takes time to get used to but it works just as well. Sixth, I miss my bathtub!  Seventh, medicines here are really cheap and readily available. Eighth, wild parrots suck as an alarm clock. Ninth, being without Air Conditioning isn't as bad as I thought it was going to be, but must have space heater for those cold days. Tenth, be prepared to miss everything and anything that defined you as an American. From peanut butter, blueberries, and Mac & Cheese to baggy jeans, everything is different here and costs a fortune to buy. Especially a comfortable life.

Just a few more odds and ends...

So, I have a little over one week and counting. I am very impatient for time to pass quickly and by the time it gets here, I will be very sad that I don't have anymore time. I have been doing many things lately, in no particular order:
1) Spend as much time hanging out with my Mother
2) Annoying my Father as much as possible
3) Loving on my dog, Rocket Man

I have been spending time really enjoying my environment and family. I even cut the grass just so I could lay in it. I have been trying to really appreciate what I am leaving. I know that I will eventually get home sick.

I've also been busy packing what I can, making sure I have what I need, throwing out things I will no longer use. I've thrown out clothes that are too big, because I am not going back! I have colored my hair and gotten a hair cut. Unfortunately, it was not too short, otherwise Manny will be very disappointed.

Today, I did a few things that I felt were important. First I took a ride to my local AAA office and purchased an Inter-American Driving Permit. Brazil ONLY allows the Inter-American Driving Permit. It costs $15 and you can get it from any AAA office - no membership needed. It only requires two Passport style photos and your drivers license. It is just an official translated document that accompanies your license. Any time you drive in Brazil, you are required to carry both. If you get a ticket, it will be counted against your US State license. And to my knowledge, police do not stand there with radar guns, they setup hidden radars and camera tickets. They snap a picture of your vehicle's license and the owner gets a nice pretty ticket. So beware.

The second thing I did today was buy luggage locks for my suitcases! The TSA only allows certain locks that are pre-approved and can be opened by any TSA agent in case of inspection. 

So now I can explain to you the limits allowed by Delta, flying into Brazil. I was surprised and happy to find out that they allow 2 FREE checked bags with a 70 lb limit! I get these 2 bags, plus my carry-on and my laptop (personal item). I keep adding things to my suitcase, rearranging and transferring items to my carry-on that are important to me.

I will add more when things come to me!

Visa in Hand

So, I was stressed over NOTHING. This was so simple, it only took a few hours out of my day and a lot of patience dealing with Atlanta traffic. I got up at 8 in the morning, so I could have some time to myself before I had to get ready. Of course, my mother was along for the ride, so she was at my heels, keeping me in line.
I decided to dress in business casual clothing. My thoughts on this, I wanted to reciprocate how Brazilians are expected to behave during their visit. If our people treat them as such, then I would expect to be treated as such. I dressed up as nice as I could:

I wasn't going for an over sized shirt, but it was the only thing I could find that was long enough and I could wear in 90 degree heat. It was sweltering out, so I waited until we got to the consulate to apply any makeup. I know how quickly it can melt here. I gathered all my papers, double checked my list, and set off with my mother in tow. We live about 45 minutes outside of Atlanta, so I had to account for morning traffic, and I wanted to get to the Consulate early. If you know my mother, you know it takes time for us to even get on the interstate and get going, so I had to account for that as well. All-in-all, we got to the consulate on Lenox Square, at 10:30 am. My appointment was not until 11:45 am. The building is a huge glass structure located as 1 Alliance Center and shares parking with 2 Alliance Center. You have to pay for parking - at least $2 for an hour - so be prepared for this. The Consulate is housed on the 8th floor of the building.

Since we were early, I went up anyway. The lady behind the front desk gives you a check list and requests to see all the items before she will tell you where to go. Also, be prepared to be stalked by a couple of rent-a-cops. They showed me into the front office and then followed me into the room where the interviews are completed. Luck has it, it was good to show up early, as they took me right away! My appointment was so easy, I stressed out over nothing. The woman doing the interview asked for all of my paperwork, which I had ready, and asked me some basic questions. I treated this as if I was being pulled over by a cop. I answered with yes or no and kept my details to a minimum. When I started to go to much, I stopped myself and laughed. She said, "What was that?" and I replied, "Nothing, my boyfriend says I like to gab too much, so I have to remember not to" and I laughed, which she laughed in reply to. I was not nervous. This is key. I had nothing to hide, so there really was no reason to be nervous. It is not like they get many Americans trying to jump their borders! :)
She asked me why I was going, she asked about my boyfriend and how we met. She started to ask me if I was going to go to Brazil and work, get married, make a family, etc. I just said, "Gosh, it's way too early to even think about any of that" with a laugh. They want to make sure you know you cannot work or have any extended plans. That was about the gist of the interview. She typed away at her computer and told me I had to come back between 3 and 4 pm to pickup my visa. They confiscate your passport, so don't worry about that. She gave me a receipt for my visa, and told me to bring it back with me when I came to pick it up.

It was the quickest 10 minutes of my life. Then we were out of the building and off to play!
We spent some time in Lenox Square itself. I would love to go there when I had a lot of money and time to play around. This place has Crate & Barrel, a HUGE Macy's, an Apple store and Microsoft store. They have Louis Vitton and Coach. It is three floors and big. We didn't get to spend a lot of time because we had to eat and then get back to pickup my visa. We decided to eat at California Pizza Kitchen and it was a good decision. This place is a sit-down type restaurant in the mall, second floor, above the food court. Mall food is bad as it is, I wanted something tasty and new to eat. We had the best pizza ever. It was a Turkey Club Pizza. It had turkey and bacon on the pizza, and then it was topped with a blend of lettuce, tomato, and mayo with avocado slices. It was so yummy.

I got my visa!!! I will show you what it generally looks like. I erased all the private information out of it that I could. You want to make sure that all your information is accurate before you leave. It would be a shame that you went to the airport and there is a problem with your visa and you cannot board your plane. Apparently it has been known to happen. So without further ado:

Visa Appointment Made

Time is ticking down folks! I have officially made my appointment with the Brasilian Consulate in Atlanta. Unfortunately, it was very tricky tracking down information for this place. Unfortunately, they do not have their own website like San Francisco. Here is the website I found, concerning all visas applied for strictly in Atlanta:

http://www.portalconsular.mre.gov.br/mundo/america-do-norte/estados-unidos-da-america/atlanta/servicos/visa

This website is not always in english, so using Google Translate or Google Chrome is helpful. Also, their pages sometimes take a long time to load, so don't give up thinking it doesn't work. Just refresh. :)

Here are the instructions I received for a Tourist Visa only. I have no idea about a work or business visa in Brazil. I had to apply to their website (https://scedv.serpro.gov.br/frscedv/index.jsp) to provide all my information. In return, they provide a one page document in Portuguese that you have to attach a passport photo and sign. They also want the following documents:

1) Valid passport with  at least six months’ validity from the date of travel, signed and with at least one blank visa page in it.

2) A copy of your round-trip flight ticket, e-ticket or signed cruise itinerary on the travel agent’s letterhead.

3)   Proof of financial means compatible with the status of an international tourist, i.e., copy of latest bank or international credit card statement. You may cross out your bank account number.

4) Visa fee: Go to the US post office and get a USPS money order. The Consulate only accepts USPS money orders as form of payment.

To get proof of financial means, you must have at least $1000 in your bank statement or available credit. This is what I've read over the internet. I hope it holds true, and I will definitely come back and give an update on this post.

I have my valid passport and my round-trip flight ticket. They just want to make sure that you have an exit plan. I get to pay a whopping $140 to apply for my visa. Americans pay the most out of any nationality. I'm told it is a reciprocity for what we charge their citizens. There has been talk of allowing Brazil to enter into the US Visa Waiver Program, but there is nothing official that I can find about the progress.

As for my other progress, I have now added another 5 lbs of weight loss. I have been working on adding strength training to my program. I am now back to my normal body size, but I want to go down a lot more. My goal weight for 5'9" would be 150-160 lbs. I have short legs and a long torso, so I have a lot of work to do on my upper body. I've always had decent legs and the walking/running combination seems to be helping lots. I am also trying to learn some basic Portuguese. I purchased a pocket-sized phrasebook which should be helpful. Manny laughs at my pronunciation. He says I sound like a robot or that I'm speaking Spanish. This is frustrating. I'm trying to get him to help me rather than laugh. It is not like I have a teacher. I took Spanish for 4 years in high school with a teacher and still couldn't hold a conversation. I can understand better than most when listening to it, but I think being submersed into a language will be exactly what I need. Plus, people there know English a little, especially the people he works with. They have to for work with Cisco.

Anyway, my appointment is for next Wednesday. I will make a post after to describe in detail the process I went through and vent my anxiety. :)

Tchau!

Getting One Step Closer

So here is my progress....
I've successfully received my U.S. Passport via expedited service. I paid $60 extra to bribe the State Department to process my passport within 2-3 weeks instead of the typical 4-6 week service. All I needed was the following:

1. Passport application
2. Passport sized photo (available at CVS, Walgreens, Rite Aid, etc.)
3. Original US Birthcertificate (must have full name & state seal)
4. Drivers License (bring copy of front & back just in case they don't have a copy machine)
5. Money Order for $135 made to US Dept of State AND separate $25 processing fee

For more detailed information, you can go to the State Department's website at http://travel.state.gov

You can even use this website to monitor the progress of your passport application. This site also has any travel warnings, tips, vaccinations required, etc. Very helpful website for me.

Next, I am waiting on my lovely boyfriend to send me the money for the visa application. Obviously not everyone will need to do this step, but this was part of our agreement when he asked me to come visit. The tourist visa application for Brazil is filled out online, not in person. You will make an appointment to bring your US Post Office Money Order, visa application, photos, and any required documents to the Consulate near you. I have to go to Atlanta, to Lenox Square area, to visit their consulate. From what I'm reading online, this place can take 20-23 days to process your visa application. I don't know how accurate this information is, but this consulate is relatively new and they don't even have a website!

Also, another piece of information I found, they require a bank statement that shows $1000 that will be available for your trip. Not every consulate requires this, so far I've only seen Chicago and Atlanta do. I have managed to be able to provide this, due to a very generous sponsor. Also, I am just waiting on confirming a plane ticket with Manny. We have to sit down and determine a good date. Obviously we want to set this sometime within 90 days of my appointment, as this is what is required. Once we have that plane ticket ready, I can make an appointment. I'm so very nervous for all of this that is happening. 

I'm trying to concentrate on my weight loss, as I've mentioned previously. I have only managed to drop 33 lbs, but that is not something to put down. It has taken a lot of hard work and determination. I have invested in a MP3 player, which helps me stay motivated during my workouts. I've come to enjoy Black Eyed Pea's Monkey Business and Eminem's Recovery as my motivational soundtrack. I have learned to walk like never before and I have even started jogging. I try to break up the monotony with walking outside, walking inside of the treadmill, and interval training. I will run 20-25 seconds and then run for 35-40 seconds, for up to 15 minutes. Then I will take a short break and do another 30 minutes of walking, with incline. I go outside and walk the dogs and sometimes I will jog the nearby subdivisions. I have my mother as my workout partner and I have concern about what will happen to both of us once I leave. Manny has dedicated his support to me and we have talked about getting a gym membership there. He prefers to do Jiu Jitsu and Paintball as his activities. Not something suitable to a girlie-girl like me. Here, I have been helping my mother find a local gym. She has promised me that she will continue and kick butt. She has done a staggering 70 lbs of weight loss. She is a heart attack patient, over 5 years ago. She has quit smoking since, but became diabetic, much to her disappointment. With exercise and food monitoring, she has managed to come off of her blood pressure medication and she hopes that she will one day come off her diabetic medication until she is much older. I cannot say how proud I am of her and everything she has done. She gives me motivation to keep going, I also want to catch up to her weight loss. ;)

Let me show you some before and after of where I am at....

I can't believe that I let myself get to that point, but I was truly miserable. I hated my job and my life. There was no doubt about that. My goal, before I leave, is 10 more lbs. If I can do more, that will be a bonus, but I am not going to push myself beyond anything reasonable.

Things Change

So..it's been awhile since I've posted. I have had a lot of things going on, but I must admit that I was apprehensive about continuing this work. I was feeling that I was going to jinx myself if I kept going on about how great everything is and how I couldn't wait to go to Brazil.
I decided to hold off on the constant blogging. Things don't seem just as interesting if you force it or constantly post. I decided it was more time to concentrate on myself. I have been learning how to put the focus back on myself after so long of not caring. I completely let myself and everything around me go. Now I no longer have the stress of how I'm going to make a car or house payment and pay my bills. I know this may seem like shirking my responsibilities, but it is freeing. I feel like for once in my life that I do not have to worry about how things will be completed and I can put the focus back on myself.
I quit smoking August 2009, I am almost to two years of non-smoking. I took that important step for myself. I didn't want to stink, be dependent on nicotine, waste my money and my life anymore. I came to that decision on my own. Most of was really due to the smell. The smell started to get unpleasant and I just didn't want it anymore. So I have been done for a year and a half, two in August. This caused me to become dependent on food and I gained weight. This is natural for someone when they quit smoking, but I already had the foot addiction to begin with. It's not like you can exactly quit food altogether. Now I am having to rearrange my life and habits. I have changed the way I eat, and exercise almost daily. I won't lie, I have messed up on a day here or there. I have one major difference, I do not give in or quit. I always know that tomorrow will be another day. So I keep going. I'm learning that I have muscles that haven't existed in a long time. I'm also learning that this all takes extreme effort. I don't allow myself to give up just due to some sweating and raised heart rate. I keep pushing myself. Most nights I try to exhaust myself because I know this is the only way to get better.
So far, I have lost 22 lbs. I am not done and my goal is for myself. I eventually would be happy with 100 lbs down. I don't have unrealistic goals for myself. I would love to get to the point of being happy with my body and the level of activity in my life. I walk the dogs, play with the treadmill, do some exercise videos. I want to go bowling soon and need to find a good partner. This is all to better myself, but it also to better the quality of life I have.
I cannot say that I don't have my trip in mind. I came to the conclusion that I want to enjoy a 11 hour flight to Sao Paulo and not suffer the entire time.
I have been keeping myself busy mostly out of necessity. Manny actually hit a dog while on the way home from work. A dog jumped out on the interstate in Brazil, at night, and went right under the car. Manny damaged his bumper, radiator, and air conditioner. This was very unexpected to both of us. He had a large deductible to pay and that has set us back. BUT the good news I have is that I got my house rented. A neighbor is actually going to just move right in and I know they are good  respectable people. I don't have to worry about this, which is a huge relief. Maybe I can actually spend some money on a passport and visa now.

Plans Commence

The job search has been uneventful and barren. I go at it everyday, checking all websites for any indication of something local. I cannot bare to drive to Atlanta, and let's face it, my car won't make it. I do not have the money right now to afford expensive car repairs. So after much deliberation, I have decided to go spend a couple months in Brazil, getting to know Jundiaí and nearby São Paulo.
First things first, I need to obtain a passport and a visa.
After much research, the best website I can recommend on what is available would be the Brazilian Consulate of San Francisco. There are many Consulates around the country and you must apply in the jurisdiction that you live. Here is my local Consulate:   

                                                                        

Atlanta 

3500 Lenox Road, suite 800

Atlanta, GA 30326 

Phone: 404-949-2400 

Fax: 404-949-2402

Embassypages.com has lists of Embassies and Consulates for every country around the world. If you cannot find something close to you here, then I would suggest you Google Brazil Consulate and your state. This is the most detailed list of Brazilian Consulates in the US and around the world that I have located.

First, you need a Passport with at least 6 months available on it. If your passport is set to expire within six months, of the travel dates you request on your visa, your visa will be denied. To apply for a passport, I will need the passport application along with 2 approved photos, my birth certificate (primary proof of citizenship), and my license (primary indentification). You will need photocopies of these documents. For specifications on what is needed, please check the State Department's Travel site. This website has information on Passports, Visas, and International Travel. If you need any vaccinations or if there are any travel warnings - this is the page to check.

So my plan this week - get my drivers license updated with the correct address. Also, I have to go take Passport photos for my application. I am going to go to Walgreens, as they are very specific on what your photos must look like.

Then I will make my application for my Passport this week. As soon as I get my Passport, I can apply for my visa. Yay!

The process is complicated and I will explain what I will need and the process I take for applying for my Tourist Visa. Just be prepared to make a trip to the Consulate of your jurisdiction. They do not do visa applications by mail. Also, I have apply for the visa within 90 days before I take my trip. It does not take this long, but I need to give the Consulate plenty of time to issue my visa after my appointment.

I can only say right now, without doubt, I am so nervous.

A Good, Hot Bath

You know what I adore? I adore a long, hot bath. To sink your body into a warm-to-hot basin of water with fragrant bubbles or salts. Maybe you are a purist and prefer just plain hot water. Either way, I am in heaven.  I can relax and purge my mind. Or I can sink down and stew over my problems.

Lately, I have been enjoying my bath in hot water, with Bath & Body Works Sensual Foam Bath. It is called Jasmine Vanilla and has a hint of Patchouli. I know – Patchouli – either people love it or they hate it. I usually dislike it, but this stuff only has a pinch. It is enough to keep you feeling indulged, but not too much to give you a headache.

Bath & Body Works' Jasmine Vanilla

This stuff is good to me for a bit. I seem to have to be in the mood for it, but once I’m into it my whole body seems to relax. If you click on this picture, it will take you to their website where you can check it out and purchase for a modest $13. I adore Bath and Body Works, but I usually go into the store to purchase. They have constant deals and sales. I’m not affiliated with this company nor are they paying me to advertise. I am just a loyal customer, like many women.

I also adore the Cucumber Melon and Butterfly Flower. I want to start a campaign to get them to bring back Lilac as I confess it is my favorite of all time. My last bottle stayed around forever. I syphoned off the last bit of lotion like it was the last bit of food in my fridge. 

Beyond that, I put on some music, maybe light some candles if I’m not using bubble bath. I’ll even snag a beverage to bring along.  I will sometimes even bring my favorite book of the moment. My favorite part is when the water starts getting cold. I will reach up with my foot and turn the faucet on with my toes. I push the water all the way hot because it usually takes a second for the water to heat up. Then I will let the water out of the tub a little so I don’t overflow the tub. Then when the water gets just right I will turn off the water. I know I’m not the only person in this world that loves a long hot bath. Sometimes if I can’t sleep, I’ll take a bath. Like right now… J

A Few Tough Weeks

I have to admit, I have been all over the place lately. I have been depressed at times, and other times just even - living each day one at a time. I have not found any employment on my part of town and I was starting to come down on myself. Starting to wonder how I've lived my life and what I have done with myself.

I have not been staying at my house. It is difficult for me to stay in the house by myself. For those of you who have battled depression, you understand that is much more difficult to survive all alone. I know this sounds melodramatic, but it is the honest truth. The voice inside, that pulls you under, is working overtime and being alone makes it easier for it to win. I am one of those people who don't like taking medication unless it is necessary. I do not want to be taking some type of anti-depressant to get through the day.

I've learned, the best way to manage, is to live one day at a time and not to concentrate too much on the future. All of the inevitable what-if's are difficult to manage. I like to worry about right now.
That doesn't mean I plan for things. I do think about how I can make my future better. It just seems to be difficult to handle all on my own right now. I know this may seem immature, but I will do what I can to make it through these days.

Of course, Manny keeps saying "Come to Brazil". Don't misunderstand, he is not pressuring me to come. He is just concerned about me and can't save me unless I am there. This is one of the things that has always drove him crazy. I am sometimes fiercely independent. I would have a hard time just allowing him to carry things for me. I know that he just wants to make things better for me and he cannot.

For the record, I know of my faults. I know what I need to change and how they should be changed. I quit smoking you know. I have been smoke-free for 17 months now. I don't even crave a cigarette anymore. I did it all on my own. Not when someone was nagging me or when I was poor or sick. I finally decided I did not like the way it smelled, tasted, or made me feel. I stayed on patches long enough to handle the initial cravings, but I did not finish a whole box. I just stopped putting them on one day and decided I could handle it. Now, not to say I haven't had cravings since. I just cannot remember the last time I had one. I managed to do it all on my own. I know that I am a strong person and I can handle more than I think.

Next, I have to lose the weight I have gained since I quit smoking. I have already made my decision to start walking every day for 30 minutes. Maybe a week or two of this and I will add some good old cardio. I am so out of shape right now, that I don't want to overkill and burn myself out.

On the job front, I have been searching every day for employment. I had an employment agency contact me regarding a job as a shipping clerk. I went in and did the whole pre-employment thing and have not heard anything back yet. I contacted the yesterday and they state they have not heard anything back from their client yet. So I continue looking. It's not easy. I live on the odd part of town, where most of the jobs posted are skill labor jobs and I am completely unqualified for.

As a good note, I was approved for unemployment by the State of Georgia. I also have my taxes coming up. I am one of those lucky people that have to wait until the middle of February to file. I have not received my W-2's back from either job. I need to check tomorrow with my former employers to determine if they have even been sent out yet.

In any case, this should keep me for awhile, but it has been suggested to me by several people that I need to go to Brazil for a temporary 90 day visit while I am unemployed and can do so.

My next post, I will explain the process it will take me to go visit and any detailed information I can determine from the Brazilian Consulate.

My Family Reaction Pt. 2

So now that I have explained my relationship with Manny, I can explain my parent's reaction. My father has always been pretty laid back about the whole relationship. He only cares that I am treated right and that I am not abused in any way. Other then that, he tends to stay out of my relationships. Don't get me wrong - he's not a bad father, just a typical man. There is no emotion, only logic. It has been that way for most of my life, so he never surprised me. When Manny and I were having problems before, he didn't want to be involved. As long as I was O.K., he was O.K. He and Manny were on pretty good terms. They always got along. Manny was pretty up front about his situation with my father, which my father always respected. Manny assisted my dad in building a large fence that circles their property. He always helped my mother and I in the yard whenever we asked him. It was like a normal family. We would come over for Sunday dinner and then play UNO after.

So, the break up, was very awkward for my parents. They adored Manny and felt betrayed by how everything ended. Since I was their only concern, they wanted to make sure I was okay. My mother took it especially hard. Someone had emotionally upset her baby. That was the only way she saw it. She also explained to me that she felt somewhat betrayed by how he dumped me.
I'm not very good at explaining my emotions, so I won't even try. I will say that it was the most difficult thing I have ever gone through and it took me a long time to move forward. I wouldn't talk to him for a long time and forbid him from having contact with my parents (I know this doesn't sound right, but it was their decision).

My mother is having a hard time accepting all of this. She was surprised when I said I was even talking to him again. I told her, at the time, we were just friends and that was all. I told her I wouldn't get sucked back in, I guess I lied. We had a conversation and she just doesn't want to have to pick up the pieces if it does not work out again. She understands if I have to leave the country for a bit. It makes her nervous, but what mother wouldn't be. She knows that Manny loves me and that he will take good care of me. She just worries that it won't work out again.

I can see her concern. It was my concern for a long time. Manny and I spoke for a long time before we came back to this conclusion. When we first started talking he had a live-in girlfriend. I kept my distance from speaking to him too much because I didn't want his girlfriend to have any suspicions about things that were not there. Eventually, he broke up with her. When I asked him why, he replied "Because I don't see myself growing old together". She doesn't live in the same part of Brazil as him now, so I don't really worry about her. Also, he has told his mother about us. I know this is a big trust, but Manny was never really that type of guy. He had been cheated on by his first wife, and never wanted to have a relationship like that again. He said that if he felt like cheating that he would just break up. So I trust him. He seems changed and I know I have. We have both grown up in the four years we have been apart.
I told my mother that I do not see myself growing old with anyone else. That our conversations, while not always easy, are the best part of my day. That seeing his goofy face makes me feel good, all the way down inside to my soul. I love that he is carefree and fun. I am serious and thoughtful. Together we will balance each other. I want this chance to be happy and see where my life goes. I have always been so restrained and contained. Always afraid of what everyone thinks. There is one person in my life that has never made me feel self-conscious or ashamed. Manny has always made me feel beautiful. I could get used to that.
What else can I say?

My father has my back and my mother is nervous, but she will be behind me. My brother even called, after reading my blog, and asked me about it. I've never had a great relationship with him, but I understood his concern. Anything you want to know about this process, I will post on my blog. Every question that is asked, I will answer. Every painful detail will be here. I will bare my soul (yikes) to the entire world.
Most importantly, I will share every detail as I learn the process. Any piece of information that someone would think to ask on the process of becoming an Ex-Pat, I will tell.
Hope you enjoy this as much as I will.

My Family Reaction pt. 1

The last couple of days have been very emotional for me. I'm not a very emotional person, so it is surprising. So I sat my parents down and explained to them my decision. It sort of went the way I thought it would go and it also surprised me.
Let's rewind this and just explain some of my past with Manny.
When Manny and I first met and got together, he was married. Now, before that sounds very bad, let me explain that he was separated and the decision to divorce had been made. Whatever your religious views may be, we made the decision to be together and his marriage was over. I never expected myself to be with someone who was still married. I also never thought that I would be in a relationship with an immigrant. I never knew this until after a couple of weeks of dating. He was pretty wrecked when he had to explain everything to me. It took a hit on his pride to tell me that he had nothing and could not offer me anything. I was shocked, I won't lie. I never thought him less of a person, but I admit that it was unexpected. When he told me the truth, I accepted it. I accepted him for everything he was, but I admit I was worried. I didn't want him to have to leave and go back to Brazil. I didn't want to worry about him having to find work because of his status. This didn't seem to be a problem at first. He even bared all to my parents, out of respect to them. He sat my father down and explained to him his story. My father respected him immensely for it.
We moved in together and began our life together. It was not easy, we had disagreements like every couple but I knew he adored me. He was always good to me. There was a major issue between us with him wanting to keep everything separate. His divorce messed his head up when it came to relationships. He learned not to trust anyone. He wanted what was his to be his and what was mine to be mine. At first I did not mind this because it was nothing serious. But the more we lived together, this became an issue. The more I pushed him, he pushed back. Then the bottom fell out - he lost his job. All of a sudden, it was me taking care of everything without him wanting to be in it together. Also, I never understood what it really meant to be an immigrant. How people abuse you, take advantage of you, and treat you like dirt.
I really got to see this through his eyes.
Anyhow, I had to take care of him, and it did not sit well with this proud latino man. He had so many goals in his life and kept speaking of how well he was going to treat me once he achieved it all. It all became very intense and hard to live together. We fought. He never asked me to marry him because he didn't want me to think he was using me for papers. Then he didn't propose because he felt he had nothing to offer. I began to doubt his love for me. I said I would leave and he told me to leave. So I left. He begged me to come back and promised things would be better.
I made the hardest decision I have ever made in my entire life. I broke up with him and advised him to go home to Brazil. I knew that with him living as an immigrant that he would never achieve all that he could. He has so much potential and ambition. I knew that if he stayed, that he would end up hating himself and me. I told him to go. I held his hand, took him to the airport, and hugged him with all my heart as I said goodbye. I remember, he got a massive nose bleed while saying goodbye. It got all over my shirt, as he had his face in my shoulder. I walked out of the airport in a daze, covered in his blood. Not one police officer said a word to me. But it took me awhile to realize the enormity of what happened.
It took me awhile to struggle with the feelings I had over the situation. The anger, the guilt, the doubt, the guilt, etc. It took me a long time to get over it and now I KNOW without a doubt that it was the best thing I ever did. I loved him enough to let him go make something of himself. When he got back to Brazil, Manny pushed me away. He told me there was someone else, broke my heart. I'm not sure if he did it out of spite or if he was hurt. In any case, it broke my heart. It took me two years before I even dated anyone else. It also took me that time to even talk to him again. He kept trying and I kept pushing him away. I forbid him even talking to my parents because I knew he would use them to get to me if he wanted.
Then a few months ago, we started talking again. I was changed, and he was changed. There are regrets on both sides about how things happened. But we also renewed the feelings we both had. They are renewed but they are also different than before. He told me, that although he had others during our separation, he couldn't see himself spending the rest of his life with anyone else. I honestly feel the same way. I can see us wrinkly, old, and gray - just as happy as we are now. Just as in love. The one relationship I had did not last because I couldn't see us in the future. I have so much in common with Manny. Just seeing him smile lights me up inside and his laugh is like a good cup of hot cocoa, I feel warm and satisified. Even the things that are annoying about him, are things that I have missed almost daily in the years we have been apart. He - we - make sense.

(To be continued)

Some of My Favorite Things

Since I've had a lot of time lately, between searching for jobs, I have begun to put together a list of my favorite items that I purchase on a regular basis. Now, the best thing is to check where you will be staying to determine what you will or won't need. All of my research has been done online.


My mind started wandering and I was thinking, "What if I couldn't find my favorite soft drink in Brazil?". Well, as truth has it, I can't. My favorite soft drink is Diet Mountain Dew, via Pepsico. They do not even sell regular, syrupy Mountain Dew in Brazil. Thanks to my vast research, and Pepsi Brazil - I was able to see what products are marketed to Brazil. Incidentally, they do sell Pepsi, Pepsi Light, Pepsi Twist (w/ lime), and Pepsi Twist Light. They also do Gatorade and Lipton Iced Teas - but to the disappointment of Southerners everywhere - there is NO sweet tea.


My favorite shampoo & conditioner, Pantene Pro-V, is sold in Brazil. Amazingly, it is marketed with their spokeswoman Gisele. Could this be a higher end product line in Brazil? If anyone knows, please leave me a comment. 


Speaking of female hygiene products, I was checking out my favorite razors of all time - the Schick Quattro for Women. I cannot find that this is made in Brazil. I am disappointed, but they do produce Gillette razors for women. Again, if anyone knows if Schick is made in Brazil, let me know!


Again, I cannot find Aquafresh marketed in Brazil. In America, they are distributed by GlaxoSmithKline, but I could not find anything on their Brazilian site. But, there is always Colgate in Brazil - they have different toothpastes marketed on their website -  Colgate Max, Colgate Total 12hr, Colgate Sensitive. Crest also has a market in Brazil - their toothpastes are too many to list, please check the link for available products. Incidentally, they are owned by Proctor & Gamble, which also owns Vicks - so when I get the sniffles in Brazil, it will still feel like home.


In a city like Jundiaí, there should be these products available to buy, but it does not appear that we would be far from Sao Paulo to take a trip if need be.

My first Portuguese lesson

So I found an amazing website - LiveMocha - and they provide free and paid language lessons.

It took me extensive research to find a good website, as Brazilian Portuguese and Portugal Portuguese are two different languages. Anytime I would use Google Translate to learn the language, Manny would laugh and say I sounded like a robot.

I'm so anxious to get a head start on this because I will feel like a foreigner enough without knowing the language. Things like Rosetta-Stone are rediculously expensive. My jaw dropped at the amount of money they ask for their software. LiveMocha is mostly user run. Anytime I do writing exercises or speaking exercises, I get comments and pointers from native speakers. I know this could be scary, since I know many Americans who butcher the English language. I have to have faith, otherwise I will never move forward.

So I have some work to do, and putting yourself out there like this for others to critique is not easy in itself. Manny thinks it's cute when I butcher his language. I need someone who will show me how and this website has been most helpful. Granted it does not start with basics like numbers, letters, months, etc. It just jumps right into the language.

Four years of high school Spanish helped in some aspects, at least I can understand some of the words, even if I do want to roll my R's or tilde my N's.